Any time you disagree with someone, there are three possible ways to resolve it after you’ve both talked about it and had a chance to explain your reasoning. 

1. I’ll meet you on your side. Picture a straight line with a husband on one side and his wife on the other. Meeting one person on their side means that one of you actually goes all the way to the other side and says, “After I’ve listened to your reasoning, I think I’ll go with your perspective.” 
2. I’ll meet you in the middle. You come to a compromise. If your spouse thinks six hours of screen time is fine, but you want only two hours, you settle on four hours of screen time. 
3. I’ll meet you later. This is when it’s pretty obvious that you aren’t going to agree in one sitting. You agree to disagree for the moment, get a good night’s sleep, and pick it up again the following week. You agree to disagree instead of preaching a sermon and ending the evening angry. 

Perhaps one of you thinks your daughter is ready for a phone at age 12, but the other parent thinks 15 would be a better age.

Ask your spouse, “Why do you think she’s ready at twelve?”

Really listen and try to understand the other person’s perspective. You might come to a middle ground and decide to evaluate the situation again when your daughter’s 14.

You’re constantly fishing for one of these three solutions, no matter the topic of conflict.

It's a myth that a middle or high schooler has to have a phone to survive socially or academically. Social skills like listening, looking someone in the eye, and asking caring questions aren't aided by a phone—they’re hindered!  Posting photos and commenting on them on the phone doesn't help your child develop meaningful relationships. 

My (Arlene) daughter, a freshman in high school, uses my phone to text her friends and meets most weekends with her friends to hang out in the park. My son, a high school junior, uses a free Google voice number to text his friends and keep up on his extracurricular activities.

Academically speaking, phones are more of a distraction in the classroom than a help.

Begin by giving grandma and grandpa the benefit of the doubt. Grandma had good intentions and thought she was buying something your child would really like. You can talk with your child and say something like, “That was very considerate of Grandma to buy you a phone. We’re going to have specific guidelines for how you can use it.” 

You may want to limit the phone to be used only at home to call Grandma. If you feel your child isn’t ready for a phone, however, you may respectfully talk to Grandma and share a few of the reasons you believe the phone will be a detriment. You may want to recommend Arlene Pellicane and Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, Grandparenting Screen Kids. You can share what you’ve learned about the impact of too many screens on a child’s brain. Grandma may want to return it or save it for a later time.

If your child’s in middle school or older, you can establish rules before leaving the phone with your child. These rules might be things like charging the phone overnight outside of the bedroom and a limit of 15 minutes per day after school. 

You can’t impose your rules on another family or your child’s friends. But you can certainly have helpful conversations to keep pornography, bullying, and inappropriate images and comments from harming your child. Here are a few guidelines you can use when making decisions about screen times and friends: 

1. Differentiate the big things from the small things. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a week from now?” If your child is viewing porn at someone’s house, the answer will be yes. But, if he’s occasionally playing thirty minutes of non-violent video games, the answer’s probably no. 
2. Get to know your child’s friends. Take the time to befriend the parents of your children’s friends. You need to be able to ask, “What types of television shows and video games do you allow in your home? Do you know what the girls are watching?” Don’t think it’s rude to ask; it’s your responsibility, as a parent, to create safe boundaries for your child. Even when she’s away from you. 
3. Make yourself the fall guy. You might fear appearing judgmental and superior if you ask too many questions. Just tell the other parent that you’re overprotective. It’s more gracious to criticize yourself (“Forgive me if I’m such a high-maintenance parent”) than to implicate the more lenient parent.

Teach your child to look away. Tell your children if a person shows them something they aren’t comfortable with to look away. You can choose where your eyes go. Turning away from lewd, inappropriate, mean, or sexual images will help your child mature as he learns to guard his heart from evil.